FlyingFox-Bat

I know I have no right to this rant
Nor do I have the right to be comforted
Neither do I have the right to have friends

No.

What I DO have the right to is extreme and continuous emotional pain
I also have the right to be completely alone in life
I also have the right to being treated like less than nothing
Because THAT /is/ what I am: LESS THAN NOTHING

So...since I know what such a complete waste of air is deserving of, I will now head into the great, black unknown. And if there comes a light, I'm going to pray to all the Holies that this time, it's a fucking train....

My Nan is extremely ill with an intestinal infection...
I'm terrified I'll lose her. She's 88 years, and has become rather frail in the last year or so. Just can't....I just....so scared....

(Update #1) So....they've taken her to the ER, because the Ciprofloxacin didn't work....I'm hoping that maybe they'll put her on Clindamycin, as it's stronger than Cipro....I think I'll just go crawl under my rock now, and try not to cry....thanks for reading...or not...

(Update #2) So...Nan has Diverticulitis, and is in hospital. She's on IV Clindamycin, which will have this cleared up in short order. I GET TO KEEP MY NAN!!!

💖💖💖🎈🎈🎈🌻🌻🌻🌺🌺🌺

If there's anyone else here living in the area of Sumner, Bonney Lake, or Buckley in Washington state....
/Am I the only one/ who hears that freaky ass giant heartbeat in the sky?
I am legit scared, and low key terrified. I keep wanting to jump out my skin, and run blibbering into the night....

(Hint: none are good questions. Neither are the answers.)

Q:  Am I an arsehole?
A: yep
Q: Am I a colossal waste?
A: yep
Q: Am I 'worth it' to anyone?
A: nope
Q: Do I deserve any friends at all, let alone the very few I do have?
A: nope
Q: Am I deserving of any happiness whatsoever?
A: not in the least
Q: Do I deserve the heartache I go through?
A: every last shred
These are the questions I ask of myself daily....and the current answers.
No. This isn't a cry for attention, or even a desire for sympathy.
This is a simple, HONEST observation of myself, and what I feel about that.
I simply needed to vent. Please don't feel obligated to answer. I mean....you can if you /want/. But you shouldn't feel that you must.
Thank you for letting me talk. 
Much love, Sujin

Today, I got two new budgies. Both boys. One is turquoise and the other is grey. The turquoise one is named Franklin, and the grey one is named Rulland. They are already sitting on my hand outside the cage. They're really sweet little guys, I adore them.